THEY moan about the noise of penguins, yearn for a steak pie and wonder why so many people are looking at them.
The innermost thoughts of Tian Tian and Yang Guang have been revealed as Edinburgh Zoo’s money-spinning bears take Twitter by storm.
In fact, the pandas seem to be able to update several different online accounts ranging from the foul-mouthed and aggressive to the gentle and comical.
The posts are, of course, from impersonators – the new panda enclosure has no broadband connection, after all – but zoo bosses say they are delighted by the online buzz.
For those not easily shocked, the @TheJockPandas account has produced a Twitter stream of largely unprintable Tweets about the pair’s sex life, which also shows them becoming irritated by the neighbouring penguins, asking if it would be legal to shoot them, and commenting: “If the Penguins next door don’t keep the noise down, I’m going to be feeling a little P-P- Peckish . . .”
It’s not only the penguins in the firing line, however – @TheJockPandas also tried to pick a fight with @EmbraZooPandas, whose profile features a panda wearing a tartan bunnet, tweeting: “Listen son, take your Bay City Rollers hat and jog on yeah?”, and then threatening: “There’s only room for two Pandas on Twitter, and we’re already here.”
Fortunately, the more laid back @EmbraZooPandas declined to take the bait.
Their account depicts the pair as a cosy couple whose names actually translate as Jean and Shug, rather than Sunshine and Sweetie, who have been studying Stanley Baxter’s Parliamo Glasgow on YouTube to improve their Scottish, and have quickly gone native.
They told TV nutrition guru Gillian McKeith: “The bamboo thing is an urban myth . . . partial to (amongst others): Greggs’ Steak Bakes, Tunnocks Teacakes”.
They also told one follower they were enjoying their new luxury accommodation, commenting: “It’s nae bad like – 3DTV, minibar, underfloor heatin’, short skip on a bus tae the toon centre . . .”
But despite their home comforts, they also tweeted the Gleneagles Hotel with a plaintive request: “Any chance o’ a comfy bed fur two windswept n’ drookit tourists?”
Yet another account holder, @EdinburghPanda, also fell foul of @TheJockPandas, receiving a message that read: “Listen son, we ain’t got time for Panda-pretenders. We’ve got a TV deal to do, now jog on yeah?”
Digital specialist at Edinburgh Zoo, Jon-Paul Orsi, said – online spats notwithstanding – he was pleased to see people’s imagination had been fired by the arrival of the pair. He said: “It’s fantastic to see how much people have been inspired by our two giant pandas.”