Diane Spencer’s diary woes

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IF you have ever kept a diary, then this could be the Fringe show for you. And if you’ve ever lost that diary, and inadvertently shared your most intimate feelings with a complete stranger – or worse, someone you know – you’ll empathise fully with Diane Spencer.

I HAVE had a diary disaster. Real diaries, when read by another person have the capacity to send the perfectly sane diarist to a psychiatric ward. If you truthfully write down your day-to-day thoughts, you sound batty.

Consider what loosely makes up a diary -

1, The Rant: You’ve had a terrible day. It may not equate to anything you read in the news but it’s your diary and you’ll cry if you want to, writing in HUGE capital letters about the inadequacies of people at work, including NEVER WASHING UP THEIR CUP AT THE STAFF KITCHEN.

2, The Life Changing moment: The polar opposite of the rant, perhaps you’re in love and realise you are alive and vivacious. Trying to capture this divine moment in ink, you write some beautiful enigmatic sentence which makes no sense when you read it later.

3, Day To Day Musings: This is the cataloguing of the day, which occasionally includes those odd thoughts that occur like “perhaps we evolved faces the way we did because the moon has a face and we were mimicking the moon”.

I wrote diaries that contained all these things, including the sordid goings on of my teenage romantic endeavours. Then, when I tried to dispose of them secretly, they managed to fall into the hands of an entire village. Not only were my night time extra-curricular activities spelt out, with all parties named and shamed, the rambling madness of the surrounding writing painted me as a loon.

If you want to hear that story, then please come to my show.

• Diane Spencer: Hurricane Diane, Gilded Balloon, Wee Room, tomorrow-25 August,5.45pm, £6-£9.50, 0131-226 0000