STAND-UP Dan Nightingale is single and looking for a girlfriend. What else could the Evening News do but offer to help him out by giving you the chance to win ‘a date with Dan’.
‘Well I suppose this is the sort of thing that will happen if you’re a Fringe show about love, the pitfalls of modern romance and the complications of being begrudgingly single.
People think ‘Ah, we’ll set up a comp where you can win a date with that bald guy whose whingeing about not getting enough dates . . . It’ll be a hoot’.
Not that I’m not grateful for the support. I’m 32 years old and make it publicly known I’d like to meet someone... I just didn’t ever expect to be trying to meet someone via a competition in a newspaper. Although this is still better than being on plenty of fish.
For the uninitiated, plenty of fish is the internet dating equivalent of going to a busy down-market nightclub, taking your pants off and then shouting ‘Any takers?’ It’s rough.
I’m struggling to ignore the potential pitfalls in an idea like this though. For a start, what if no one enters? This could be read by tens of thousands, maybe more, and then duly ignored.
What an uninvited kick to the confidence that will be, (Please God let someone enter).
Or worse, what if I end up on a date with a 52-year-old lorry driver from Leith called Derek?
And who is going to vet the entrants? Not that there’s anything wrong with lorry drivers from Leith, just doesn’t sound like my type. That’s the thing about being a heterosexual male; you rarely end up with a Derek. Although there might come a point where I get so single it becomes an option...
And thinking about it, I could get lifts to gigs in his lorry. Good grief, I’m actually considering it.
So, essentially, what I’m saying is please enter if you’re even half way normal (and not called Derek) and as a thank you I’ll be on my best, sparkling, charming form and I might even take you to Nando’s.
And if you have a valid reason to not apply within, fair enough, but I invite you to come and see my show Love in the Time of Cholesterol and see what happens on this prize date.
I have a feeling it’s going to end up as a story worth telling.
To enter the draw to win, email your name, age and telephone number to firstname.lastname@example.org by midnight Thursday, with the word DAN in the subject line. The winner will receive a pair of tickets to see Love in the Time of Cholesterol at the Pleasance Dome and the chance to meet Dan after the show. You never know where it might lead.
Usual Johnston Press rules apply. Editor’s decision is final.
Dan Nightingale: Love In The Time of Cholesterol, Pleasance Dome, 5.30pm, until 25 August, £7.50-£9.50, 0131-226 0000