Alison Craig: The curious cases of two total dafties

Picture: PA
Picture: PA
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Early Tuesday, the long-suffering husband had to get a train to Aberdeen with 40 vases and 40 candle holders for Howies, our restaurant up there.

All diligently packed into a vast family suitcase and wrapped in a bath towels to stop them smashing together, off he went for the 7.15am train, wheeling this monstrosity behind him.

At 11am, he phoned.

“So, anyway, I’m in Aberdeen.”

“Good,” I said. “What would you like, a round of applause?

“No, I’m in Aberdeen but the case is still on the train. I completely forgot it.”

I started laughing. “What a daftie. I presume you’ve reported it?”

“Well, I couldn’t get a human on the phone so I had to leave a message.”

He made an executive decision not to confess to anyone at Howies in Aberdeen as he felt ridiculous.

Then at a meeting a few hours later, the restaurant manager inquired as to where all the stuff they had been promised was. The long-suffering one answered truthfully that it had been in Aberdeen earlier but was currently travelling unaccompanied round the Scottish rail network.

He still hasn’t heard back so keep your eyes peeled – it’s maroon, very very heavy and alone.

Of course, this gave me endless fodder for taking the mick until Sunday when I got back from a fashion fair at Summerhall and emptied my bag to find a huge rectangular Perspex block. What the?

I had inadvertently scooped up the signage from one of the jewellery designers and put it in my bag. It weighed a tonne.

How I didn’t notice suddenly carrying something that weighed the same as a bag of potatoes shows I am also a complete pillock.

So it seems birds of a feather stick together. I rest my – and his – case.

For more from Alison Craig, visit alisonsdiary.com or follow her on Twitter