Fiona Duff: Behind every great woman is her own way

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You know how you look at some women and just know that if you were their husband or boyfriend they’d be a whole heap of trouble.

Those woman have perfect nails (therefore unable to pick up anything other than a champagne flute), flawless skin which is probably covered with some expensive make-up and you’d definitely never see them in a pair of baggy jeans teamed with some wellies.

There wouldn’t be any room for dissent or opposing opinions – you just know that those perfectly painted lips would purse and that would say a thousand words. Most of which probably consist of four letters.

Reading an interview with Joan Collins, below, she somehow seemed to sum up everything that I said above. I think she may have a new range of make-up, which is quite apt as she did say that young girls today didn’t know the importance of piling on the slap. She wasn’t round at my gaff a couple of years ago before a Hogmanay party for which my older daughter and her friends were getting ready. It was like being surrounded by painted dolls, although needless to say the paint work wasn’t up to the standard of the Sistine Chapel, and the adage “less is more” had not been heeded by one of them.

And so it is with the lovely Joan, who turned up an hour-and-a-half late for her photoshoot and then gave the lighting chap a row for wasting time. Imperious doesn’t even come close.

I know she’s 81 years of age and claims not to have ever come close to a surgeon’s knife but every time I read this claim I raise an eyebrow. It would be great to know if she could do the same.

Anyway, I read the interview because she really is a game old bird who doesn’t give two hoots about what is politically correct or tactful. I guess that so many of us just wish that we could be the same. Maybe I’ll pop along to Jenners this weekend and scoop up some make-up. I’ll take my wellies off before I enter the shop.