Health advice: Husband’s work relationship has got me worried

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Q Two years ago, my husband started seeing a woman at work who was helping him to sort out some difficult issues. She was a union representative and I know she sorted things out for him before she left to go abroad.

I’ve just heard she’s coming back again and I’m worried that my husband will take up with her again.

I don’t know whether I should speak to him about it.

A You are implying your husband’s feelings for this woman were personal but it sounds as if her relationship was purely professional.

She was doing her job in sorting things out and even if they became quite friendly, it’s perfectly possible to have innocent friendships with people of the opposite sex.

The fact that you are worried about her return to the company indicates issues about your relationship with your husband and your levels of self-confidence.

I think you need to talk to your husband about your feelings and anxieties – if only so that he can reassure you.

If you felt more confident in his feelings for you, then the return of this woman wouldn’t bother you at all.

Husband versus mother - do I have to choose?

Q When I was made redundant two years ago, my husband and I went to live with my mother to save money.

In all that time she has made my husband’s life a misery and she is forever putting him down and saying that he’s not good enough for me.

He has to travel in his job and he’s admitted to me that some times he stays away for longer than necessary just to keep away from her.

She nags me incessantly about divorcing him and I feel as though I am stuck in the middle.

I care for my mother and I love my husband but why have I got to choose between them?

A What an intolerable situation. I know you feel grateful to your mother for providing you with a home, but your loyalty should lie with your husband.

Your mother needs to know that you love your husband and that, no matter what she says, you have no intention of leaving him.

Perhaps you and your husband could speak to your mother together. You need to work out some kind of compromise for your present living arrangements.

If not then, even though it is cheaper to live with her while you are unemployed, you and your husband should look at finding a place of your own.

I can’t get over my ex

Q My partner and I have been separated for eight months and it’s not getting any easier.

She’s told me to get out and meet someone else – as she has – but I just can’t.

I still love her and miss her so much and I miss our two children as well.

I feel like ending my life because I am so depressed but I wouldn’t do that to my kids.

Will I ever get over this?

A I know you’ll find it hard to accept now but these extreme feelings will lessen, although it won’t happen overnight.

If and when you do feel desperate, please call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.

A sympathetic listener can make all the difference between going under and having the strength to face another day.

Your ex-partner clearly doesn’t see a future for your relationship together, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship with your children.

If you don’t have proper access arrangements worked out, then you might like to look at the website www.separateddads.co.uk, which has lots of useful information.