John Gibson: A wee Hoff and hard to swallow

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Hint of hassle with David Hasselhoff, the hunk from American TV series Baywatch and Knight Rider, when his Welsh girlfriend walked into the Grassmarket gift shop The Mutts Nuts and bought a sign she thought he would appreciate, “Ford Capri, the car you always promised yourself”.

If the Hoff didn’t, could he bring it back and change it? Accompanied by his lady, he duly brought the sign back but changed his mind on the premises and decided to keep it, shop manager Gary Morrison tells me.

It’s what we in used-to-be-great Britain call sentimental value, David.

Not fair, Blair

You’d be incensed – nay, apoplectic – to hear that the Blairs wanted to have four coppers maintain armed security at their three-storey townhouse in London.

The gall of Tony and Cherie, they’re mostly away anyway, relishing their life of luxury.

The good news is that Scotland Yard have reduced security for the pampered pair to two officers to guard their £4 million abode.

A gradual improvement from the taxpayers’ viewpoint. When Tone and Cher in 2007 moved in, six diplomatic protection group heavies were on duty 24/7. Your blood still boiling?

Hanks a lot

Huge, still, at the box office, Tom Hanks had Fort Knox on red alert ready to check in another stash, this time from his latest film Larry Crowne, affording Edinburgh cinema-goers the chance last month to boost his old-age pension.

Airy-fairy with it at 54 and although everybody knows he can well afford it, Tom’s telling us: “Look, you can’t go to the well too often. After the age of 50 you can’t keep banging out movies over and over again. The audience doesn’t give a s*** about you after a while.”

Aye, it’s tough out there, Tommy. Chuck us a fiver.

Afterwords . .

. . . The gone-but-not-forgotten Chic Murray’s chortling: “A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.”