John Gibson: Could have had baby in Canongate

Michael Palin and John Gibson 1985. Pic: Comp
Michael Palin and John Gibson 1985. Pic: Comp
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Big, big tum. Improbable you bumped into it. Anyway, It’s certainly no secret now. Zara Tindall (does she respond, rather, to Zara Phillips?) has had a tiny Tindall.

Get to the point, Doctor John. Couldn’t the daughter of Princess Anne have chosen to give birth up here? Where, after all, the maternity facilities are said to be second to none?

Also, a cradle could have been crafted in the Canongate, where Zara, now 32, and big Mike married in 2011. Maybe it’s to do with what journos have cracked about Zara’s mum’s unique hairstyle.

I haven’t been among the wisecrackers. In fact, the princess and me, we’ve shared jokes on her visits to this city and there is pictorial back-up. The photo is one she treasures.

Pig-headed

Call me a ham if you will and, yes you won’t need a second invitation. But I can confirm that Miss Piggy has had nothing to do with it. The word is, according to Scottish scientists who should have something better to do, that an unhappy pig makes for an iffy bacon roll.

All down to the way pigs, by nature given to bad manners at the dining table, behave badly when their snouts are in the trough.

I’ve had many encounters with pigs in the past, including the one pictured below along with Michael Palin back in 1985.

Researchers (it’s a science) at Scotland’s Rural College have been handed £580,000 by the Biotechnology and Biological Sciences Research Council to quell scrapping among pigs.

I can save them the taxpayers’ money. Just keep your mitts off our bacon sarnies. Otherwise I’ll squeal like a pig.