John Gibson: Crombie’s bangers are a real smash

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Where is the link? It’s between the thousands of shoppers annually who fall ill after guzzling pork sausages contaminated with the hepatitis E virus.

Government experts, who would have us cringing under the covers in fear, claim that 65,000 victims unknowingly contract the virus each year, most of them from contaminated pork.

One in ten bangers could be smitten with the virus, say the eggheads who’d have butchers everywhere flapping. Everywhere except Broughton Street where the butchers of renown, Crombie’s, report business as usual. Big business.

Says unflappable Sandy Crombie: “We sell 20,000 sausages a week and the Government’s alarmist figures don’t have us unduly concerned. Crombie’s relies on Quality Meat Scotland and it’s beef-based. We know where it comes from.”

Adds a resolute Sandy: “There is, of course, a bottom line to this virus scare. Everything should be cooked thoroughly.”

Afterwords . .

. . from Joanna Lumley, who simply won’t keep her mouth shut, and is 68 this month: “I don’t feel it but then I look in a mirror and see I am actually an old lady. I use Astral cream which is wonderful stuff and cheap and comes in a big blue tub.

“But I’m not considering Botox. I think everyone in the world is tempted to have work done and I’m not against it. We all work on everything. I dye my hair. Have done for ages. If I didn’t I’d be very, very grey and I don’t want to be that yet. I don’t use spray tan but all the young people do it and look gorgeous, so I’m going to have one before I go to Iran to make a documentary.

“And my bosom would be down to my waist if I didn’t wear a bra.”