TRAPPING. You’d think they’d be expert at this sort of thing at Easter Road. Apparently not.
Having consumed a plethora of pies over the seasons (and ruined numerous gravy-stained ties in the process), I’m shocked and shuddered to hear that mouse droppings were discovered there in the kitchens by environmental health officials who’ve been on the ball.
I can only hope that half-time pies for the Press were baked exclusively for journos. “It must have been the broon sauce, your honour,” it was said in mitigation.
To tattoo or not to tattoo? Derbyshire Police won’t recruit applicants who wear tattoos on their face, neck or hands. Most people down there are needled by coppers who flaunt inked decorations.
You want to become a copper, make sure you keeps it under your uniform. We should be past this sort of decor, says a retired bobby. Agreed?
I’m not a fan
Don’t think it couldn’t happen here. Soon football fans at the £300 million revamped Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro won’t be allowed to watch matches shirtless, standing will be banned, as will musical instruments. Taking your shirt off is deemed uncivilised – all according to the consortium who run the stadium. Would we tolerate such draconian measures at Tynecastle or Easter Road?
Afterwords . . .
. . . the revered Tony Jacklin, 69, Ryder Cup stalwart, now living in Florida: “People find this hard to understand but I’ve been playing or 60 years and for me it’s always been a job. Now I’m not competitive, I feel no urge to learn. I’m not getting better and I’m getting older. But I still hit it all right.”