John Gibson: Falling down, apologies to Mike Douglas

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Distressing. Not to mention debilitating. Some 350,000 elderly – I’m happier with “senior citizens” – are hospitalised each year as a result of a fall, a charity tells me.

I’ve just toppled myself and I submit in evidence a skinned, bloodied knee. From this episode I’ve ascertained there are still a lot of “socially responsible” people around. You feel such a fool, don’t you? Three people dashed – yes, dashed – to my aid. Picked me up as I tried to board the Lothian bus.

The driver emerged from his cab, asking if I was okay. A visibly concerned fellow passenger volunteered his name and phone number, saying: “You were nearly under the wheels of this bus.”

Age Concern confirm 9000 seniors die every year as a result of a fall. We’ve just had Falls Awareness Week. Missed it, otherwise engaged creaming my knee. If I’d been paying due attention while boarding that bus possibly I wouldn’t have crumpled so readily. Like I say, you do feel such a plonker. Send no money.

Lot on his plate

Mixed with a lot of chefs in my time. Paul Hollywood doesn’t leap out of the bowl at me. Never saw him co-hosting Bake Off, then his reputation took him to the States where he met his female American equivalent. So chummy, his wife Alexandra has divorced him, slipped off her ring soon as she heard. Pitiful Paul and Alexandra who has hung him out to cry in a national paper. They deserve each other, judging by promised additional revelations.

Meantime, don’t shout hooray for Hollywood. Wonder if he ever crossed spurtles with Nigella?