John Gibson: George and I are two peas in pod

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One thing that is abundantly clear, Edinburgh isn’t big enough for both of us and it’s as well that George Clooney was here for only a day.

Passers-by kept mistaking him for me and by the end of the day I was positively fed up with it. Perhaps he, too, was enchanted with the mistaken identity either.

So have no fear, you’ve got me all to yourself now that he has gone in his private jet.

Can I say at this juncture that I have just bought my first Christmas present – for somebody I positively do not like. Just what is the present, you’re asking? It’s an album of festive, happy tunes by England manager, the ever-smiling Roy Hodgson. There’s a smile on his face for the whole human race, the ditty goes.

To be honest, I can see the resemblance although he is, in truth, a slightly more diminutive man.

Never too old

At 93, a former SS sergeant has been judged fit to stand trial, involved in 170,000 murders at the dreaded Auschwitz.

Damn right, too. I hope they string him up.

Aping around

I may not have heard it right, but apparently the chimps after a stint at Edinburgh Zoo have been clamouring for apples with a Scottish accent. Surely this isn’t true, just a jape.

Think of it what you will.

Still waiting

We’re now told that it will be next spring before we see, at long last, the Chilcot Report and we’ve been waiting for an eternity.

Mind you, it runs to two million words and that is almost as long as this column, damnit.