John Gibson: Honey, I’ve shrunk the fish suppers

Respect: John Humphrys

Respect: John Humphrys

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HOLY mackerel! The scales of injustice. Have you heard the mind-bending news? Fish will be quarter the size by 2050.

Logically, a fish supper then will cost quarter of what it costs today. Aye, right Jock!

Hard to work it all out but experts at a Vancouver university (have they heard of fish suppers there?) predict global warming will have shrunk fish a quarter by then.

Quick, pass me the salt (smelling) and vinegar.

Girl power

Our gallant soldiers wouldn’t have got as far as Port Stanley, they’d have surrendered in droves, gobsmacked, had Cristina Kirchner been Argentina’s president at the time.

A stunner, she looks a million dollars. The stuff to give the troops. No offence, Mrs Merkel.

Afterwords . .

. . . This is John Humphrys talking, so listen: “I spent a year making a BBC2 documentary about the state of education in Britain and if I took away one incontestable fact it was that the schools where the teachers were respected were the schools that delivered the best education. And ‘respect’ meant the children did not swear in their presence. Ever.”