John Gibson: I’ve told Engel not to do it . .

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There is, I admit, nothing odd about Engelbert’s name when we have somebody in showbiz a third of his age rejoicing in Cumberbatch as a moniker.

Humperdinck is returning to the Eurovision concert party for freaks in May. I’ve warned him not to get involved. But he doesn’t listen. Advice I’ve offered for free, mind you.

Says the Hump: “I’m sure the younger artists will feel nervous against someone with a lot of experience.”

The Russian entry, the Buranovo Grannies, will dress in their traditional peasant costumes. Authentic clobber, still bearing the scars of battle when they defied the Germans at Stalingrad.

The Hump adds: “I started dying my hair jet black when I was 25 because I was prematurely grey.” Better grey hair than nae hair has been my motto. He was owning up before taking the stage in Azerbaijan where he might even capture Norway’s votes.

We’ve never had knicker-throwers on the Castle Esplanade in recent memory. Should the Hump win I can guarantee him a gig or three at the Festival.

As for the Grannies, they’d be a riot at the Fringe. With or without their knickers.

Afterwords . .

. . . that photo of the Pope wearing a sombrero on his first visit to Latin America, it suited him actually. Took years off his life. Maracas would have completed the picture. From Mexico, he was due in Cuba. Cuban heels for His Holiness?