Time to put on a happy face. Time to confront what must be like the inevitable. A nutty professor – mostly they are nut cases – of Global Food Security (we pay his wages) predicts food prices will have trebled 20 years hence.
So what price a packet of crisps in 2033? How much a fish supper? Food inflation in the UK, at four per cent this year, already is among the highest in Europe. How much to board a tram, if by then they’re still rattling on the rails? Start stocking up your food cupboard now. You ignore the eat-by date anyway, don’t you?
Oh dear, what can the matter be, we’re now taking our smartphones to the lavatree! It’s claimed by retailers in the trade that four in ten adults take their phone to the thunderbox.
Business is done behind closed doors, sitting down. Phoning home: “Guess what I’ve just been doing, darling?” “I’d rather not, dear. Spare me the details.”
Afterwords . . .
. . . This is your Prime Minister saying, without a blush: “Here is some of your own money back in a tax reduction.” Stoppit Mr Cameron, you’re breaking our hearts.