John Gibson: Now you can be your own surgeon

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My source at A & E tells me demand for used medical equipment is desperate. Could this be because some of it is still inside patients? Devil of a job trying to prise a scalpel or scissors out of some poor soul and it’s been sewn up.

As may be. Anyway, the entire contents of Kent & Sussex Hospital in Tunbridge Wells has been up for auction online, hopefully raising £400,000 to help equip a new hospital down there.

An operating table, presumably scrubbed clean, was expected to fetch £4000. Bedpans, sterilised of course, were going for a song.

You could have gone home with an ultrasound machine or a defib. Nurse, nurse! I’m feeling queasy already.

But there must be viewers who have the stomach – though perhaps not the medical equipment – if they watch Embarrassing Bodies.

Tell us the tooth

Prediction. Can’t see the Tory party in Scotland thriving under their new leader, the all-smiling Ruth Davidson. Nice set of choppers and we should assume they’re her own teeth.

I was right about Colin Calderwood, humbled Hibs boss. I said he’d go before Christmas and even at that he overstayed his welcome. He showed no shame.

Not great, Kate

Kate’s heart bleeds. The Duchess was in Copenhagen, remember, so shocked by the famine in East Africa that she, ever so daintily, lent a hand with the packing of aid.

“This puts the spotlight on this terrible crisis,” she sympathised. No, Kate, it put the spotlight back on you, in a dazzling outfit that would have graced any catwalk.

She was in a warehouse, where her minders should have had her slip into a boiler suit for the picture, taking her closer to the television public. And Wills could have been kitted out in jeans. Know what I mean?

Afterwords . .

. . . The wee Glesca’ scunner turned 63 the other day. Is that all Lulu is? She can still shout about her singing but, strictly speaking, hardly a sensation on the dance floor. At three score and more she can hardly be Wonderwoman at everything.