John Gibson: Queen of fashionistas is Ab Fab

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You’ve been advised. Mutton dressed as lamb but go for it, ladies. Joanna Lumley, queen of the fashionistas, is prodding you hard.

Embroiled in three new episodes of Ab Fab at 65, she’s telling women of her age and over to delve into Topshop and be not embarrassed. Good for la Lumley.

So unlike Benedetti. The lovely, pouting Nicola is prattling on, yet again, about her Italian roots. The same tired old tune and one is tempted to tell her where to stick that fiddle. It’s a Baroque violin with gut strings, didn’t you know?

Not nearly as much palaver with Tracey Emin who’s making no bones – well, let’s say old bones – about her relative.

Shoot to thrill

Shooting a line to the sheriff. I’ve written to Joe Arpaio, Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, pleading with him to open branches in the UK of his “corrective” holiday camps. They’d be a sure-fire riot here. Love to see him on telly in a face-to-face with Call Me Dave Cameron and his fellow wimps. Purely a chain reaction.

Police farce

Is there such a thing as a bent copper? You’d have to be awfully naive not to believe so. Forty police officers have been disciplined over misuse of Scotland Yard credit cards.

The investigation over four years has led to resignations, fines, reprimands and much brushing under the carpet.

One of those ‘allo, ‘allo, ‘allo, wot’s all this ‘ere investigations that obviously helped the officers with their enquiries.

Afterwords . .

. . it’s Jeremy Clarkson who’s barking: “The trouble is, we all love animals more than we love people. And the animal we love most of all is the dog. Dogs make us soft in the head.”

I know. I’ve been there.