John Gibson: Smile though your heart is aching

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What keeps puzzling me is how somebody has the time and patience to compile these things, this detritus if you like. Often a somebody on a huge salary. Public money at that.

This latest survey, though, comes from a teeth whitening firm. It’s found that if you’re coming up for 30, approach it with a smile because that’s when people are at their unhappiest. The whiteners have discovered that folk around 79 are at their cheeriest.

The same survey says that men are grumpier than women. Well, didn’t we know that already! C’mon now, give us a smile ’cos, in case you didn’t know, when you’re smiling the whole world smiles with you.

Money to burn

Many moons ago I saw the Boomtown Rats in Edinburgh at the Odeon, suppered with them across the road. Their upcoming autumn tour which brings them to the UK will see them in Glasgow, but not Edinburgh.

Says the Rats’ cash-rich creator Bob Geldof, ever the straight talker: “It’s the boys in the band who need the money. I have what Humphrey Bogart called the f--- you fund. The freedom to breathe in the material world.

“I forget I have money. The relief when I remember everything is OK is immense.”

Afterwords...

. . . Here’s a fact that’s bound to put the wind up you. Consumption of Brussels sprouts in the UK has slumped by four fifths since 1974. Long live the sprout, the only good things you’ll get from Brussels nowadays.