John Gibson: Tickled by a life full of sunshine

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I’m doubled up already, hooting with laughter. This Saturday has been deemed ‘‘Happiness Day”. Hibs don’t have a game for a start.

It’s in my water. From birth I’ve been a bundle of fun. Ask my colleagues. They call me, among other epithets, Mister Sunshine.

I can think of only one individual who justifies the happiness personified tag. Ken Dodd himself. There’s Doddy and me. And I don’t need a tickling stick to start me off.

Now cheer up all of you, do you hear? See you Saturday.

Praise the lard

Thou shall not guzzle too many pizzas. And go easy on your daily bread. A Scottish Health survey says 26 per cent in the non-religious group suffer from obesity but the rate among Church of Scotland members is 30 per cent.

Where does this leave me? It says C of S on my Bibs Supporters Club card but that’s seriously out of date. Get with it, Fatso. Pray for a chips-free diet.

Fit for benefit

Surprise, surprise! More than half of the people newly assessed for money from the state – they call it Incapacity Benefit – were found to be fit to do some form of work. Sometimes known as get-off-your-bam benefit.

The none too vigilant Department of Work and Pensions discovered that 46 per cent were eligible for the hand-out.

Afterwords . .

. . . Useless information? Look no further. Research from Premier Inn discovered that 80 per cent of the 2,000 adults questioned have slept on the same side of the bed since their relationship started. Women usually win. You’re learning all the time.