Cameron's tale a tasty Eton trifle . . .
IT should be the story of the election – a newly-published book has revealed that Tory leader David Cameron used to be a porn director. How can he possibly live such a scandal down – especially when the book in question, Sex, Lies and Eton: Dave Cameron's Schooldays, is supposedly written by the politician himself?
Step forward Bill Coles, the Edinburgh-based writer and real author of the book, which follows Cameron as he settles into Eton College, experiencing all sorts of scrapes and calamities along the way. According to Bill, the Prime Minister-wannabe rents porn out to the other students, tries to spy on the master's daughter as she undresses and gets completely drunk after a few too many pints of beer.
It's not exactly the sort of image the Tory leader is hoping to project but Bill, who lives near Calton Hill with wife Margot and two sons, explains that the book is meant to be taken as a piece of fun. He says: "It is a bit cheeky. I'm hoping David will take it in good humour, but I must admit it is a bit close to the knuckle. I suppose being a politician he'll just have to laugh it off. If he hates it my sales will go through the roof."
And while the book is fiction, Bill could certainly draw on personal experience – an old Etonian himself, he was two years above Tory Dave at the prestigious private school.
"The main idea behind the book was to show off the skills that he learned at Eton, which have no doubt set him in good stead for a pole position in Westminster. He's a very slick, very smooth sort of guy, so he was totally right for a book like this. It seemed like the right time to get the story down, what with the election coming up. I admit that Labour and the Lib Dems will probably be licking their lips about it."
Looking sheepish, the author, who used to write for The Sun and the Daily Mail, cheekily adds: "In the book, David's an outrageous liar, and the motto in the book is 'Deny, Deny, Deny'. I've sent him a copy to take a look at, and a few other MPs too."
Despite its lighthearted nature, the content probably won't be coming to a Tory speech near you anytime soon.