The 25 best Edinburgh Fringe jokes
These are some of the best jokes and one-liners we've heard at the Edinburgh Fringe over the past few years.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it its probably s**t. (2014) My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs. (2016) Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels. (2011) You cant lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesnt come back, then what youve lost is a pigeon. (2014) Theres only one thing I cant do that white people can do, and thats play pranks at international airports. (2014) If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, youre just late. (2014) Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first. (2016) Im learning the hokey cokey. Not all of it. But Ive got the ins and outs. (2014) Feminism is not a fad. Its not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of Angry Birds. Bad example. (2014) I have two boys, 5 and 6. Were no good at naming things in our house. (2017) My mother told me, you dont have to put anything in your mouth you dont want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards. (2011) Im sure wherever my Dad is: hes looking down on us. Hes not dead, just very condescending. (2009) My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad. Not as in, with a stick he just died first (2008) I have the woman-flu. Which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less. (2016) Ive been happily married for four years out of a total of 10. (2016) Ive given up asking rhetorical questions. Whats the point? (2017) I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. (2011) Im rubbish with names. Its not my fault, its a condition. Theres a name for it... (2017) People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. (2016) I learned about method acting at drama school, when all my classmates stayed in character as posh, patronising twats for the entire three years I was there. (2015) I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act. (2017) Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated. (2016) I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words. (2016) "Laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of impotence." (2016) I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess. (2011)