Susan Morrison

Theresa May takes the opportunity to bust some moves to Abba at the Tory Party conference. Picture: AFP

Susan Morrison: Theresa is having the time of her life up there

In my younger days, party ­political conferences were very black and white affairs, at least on television. They ­usually came from Blackpool or Bournemouth. Labour in Blackpool, of course, that great socialist daytrip Mecca of the North, all kiss-me-quick hats and donkey rides, with the smell of chips in the air and a succession of Labour leaders lined up to be ­hammered by the comrades like ­targets at the coconut shies.

As soon as Susan Morrison was under anaesthetic, the joking stopped and the crack professionals of the NHS got on with the job. Picture: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

Susan Morrison: A bodyguard when we need it the most

The NHS is a wondrous beast, but she loves an early check-in. The letter from the Western said get there for 7.30. Naturally, the Yorkshire husband thought we should leave at 6.30. We live in Leith. We could have walked it in that time. Why we were leaving so early? To beat the traffic, he said. 6.30. In the morning. Mind you, Ferry Road – he might have a point.

Tears and snot won't endear you to your audience - and sound engineers don't want you sneezing on their mics either. Picture: PA

Susan Morrison: Pass the tissues, I’ve got Fringe flu already

On Tuesday my Fringe flu arrived, out of season. It’s traditional for the ­comedians, actors and probably the flyerers to collapse into soggy heaps, working their way through entire boxes of man-sized tissues whilst watching daytime TV at the end of August, but here I was, in the middle of the ­action, with an entire head full of gunk, a throat lined with barbed wire, and about seven shows to get through.

Gone are the days when shoppers would flock to the likes of BHS, where Mrs M Pearson was first in the queue on opening day in 1967

Susan Morrison: Where will I buy my Brutus jeans now?

The lights are going out in the great cathedrals of high street shopping. BHS is nothing more than a memory. Debenhams is looking like that shoogly peg might just give way at any minute. Even the once might M& S has the faint air of desperation about it. As do the staff.

Schiphol: Probably the only airport in the world to have been the site of a battle at sea, during the Dutch War of Independence (Picture: Marcel Antonisee/AFP/Getty Images)

Susan Morrison: KLM love machine two-times my ‘mumma’

Mamma has taken to international travel like a Kardashian to cosmetics. Not content with jetting off to Spain, where she cruises the boulevards like some sort of pensioner criminal – think Ray Winstone in cropped summer trousers and a big floppy hat – she’s now about to go to Tuscany.

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