50 of the very worst Christmas cracker jokes

Cracker jokes so bad they could spoil Christmas. Picture: Shutterstock
Cracker jokes so bad they could spoil Christmas. Picture: Shutterstock
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Despite the furious tug of war that precedes their reading, Christmas cracker jokes are more often than not followed by a collective groan. You can wait years to hear a good one.

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Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elf-is Presley! Picture: Getty

Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elf-is Presley! Picture: Getty

Here are 50 of the most painfully awful jokes that may well have you cringing this Christmas.

Warning: dreadful humour follows

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers!

What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

What happens to elves when they are naughty?

Santa gives them the sack!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

How does Christmas Day end?

With the letter Y!

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How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!

What carol is heard in the desert?

O camel ye faithful!

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?

It got gobbled!

Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?

Iceburgers!

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When is a boat just like snow?

When it’s adrift!

What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?

Sandy Claus!

What do you call a cat in the desert?

Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to cats?

Santa Paws!

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken’s day off!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues!

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door!

What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents?

Idaho-ho-ho!

What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

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What says Oh Oh Oh?

Santa walking backwards!

What do you call a dog who works for Santa?

Santa Paws!

What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas?

A stocking!

Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley!

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

Because he had no body to go with!

What says Oh Oh Oh?

Santa walking backwards!

What do elves learn at school?

The Elfabet!

Why can’t Christmas trees knit?

Because they always drop their needles!

What’s yellow and dangerous?

Shark-infested custard!

Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance?

They have two left feet!

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What wobbles and flies?

A Jelly-copter!

What goes ha ha ha clonk?

A man laughing his head off!

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn’t concentrate!

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?

On the dark side!

Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?

Beyon-sleigh!

What did the stamp say to the letter?

Stick with me and we’ll go places!

What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonkey!

Why are pirates great?

They just aaaaaaarrrrr!

What do you call a deer who can’t see?

No eye-deer!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle bells!

Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?

The National Elf Service!

What is white and minty?

A polo bear!

This article first appeared on our sister site, iNews.