Advice columnist Fiona Caine offers her perspective on family dramas and emotional issues
Q I’M really worried about how aggressive my husband becomes when he’s driving.
He shouts, swears and often makes rude gestures at other drivers but, if I say anything, he says he’s being perfectly normal.
He drives too fast, going close up behind other cars, then swerving out at the last minute.
He says it’s fine because he’s a good driver, but he’s had three accidents in the past four years and I’m now scared to go out in the car with him.
A ROAD rage isn’t a myth, it affects far too many people and has been linked to a number of tragic accidents.
Aggressive drivers can be quite mild-mannered people until they get behind the wheel of a car.
For some reason, this is where they feel able to vent their anger – but it’s clearly not a good idea.
As your husband has had three accidents already, could you encourage him to take his advanced driving test? (visit www.iam.org.uk for details) It might reduce his insurance premiums, which have probably taken a battering. Tackle the issue when he’s calm – not when he’s driving – and see if you can work out a compromise.
HOW SHOULD I DEAL WITH TRICKY COLLEAGUE?
Q WHEN I was promoted to head of my section, most of my colleagues were pleased for me, even though I leap-frogged some of them in terms of length of service.
There’s one, though, who has always seemed resentful and she goes out of her way to be difficult and awkward with me.
She’s constantly trying to undermine my authority and make my job more difficult.
Whenever I ask her to do anything, she questions it and she’s always sullen in meetings.
She’s actually quite good at her job, so I don’t want to lose her, but this can’t go on.
A IF you have an human resources department, this is something they should be advising you on.
If there isn’t an appraisal scheme in place, perhaps this is something that could be implemented. But if you don’t want to resort to formal procedures, try having an informal chat with her. Choose a time when you won’t be disturbed or when others may be listening.
Tell her how you value what she does and praise her for what she’s good at, but ask her way she persists in a resentful and sullen attitude. Point out that as you are her manager, and it is in everyone’s best interest that you co-operate.
HELP! MY LEG VEINS ARE UNSIGHTLY
Q MY friends all say I’ve got good legs but they can’t understand why I always wear thick tights or trousers.
But I’ve got really bad green and broken veins, so I just don’t like baring them.
Is there anything I could do to disguise them? I’d like to wear shorts this summer.
A You can buy leg make-up to disguise blemishes, but I really think you should start with your doctor. Even with leg make-up, bulging, varicose veins will stick out and it may be that you need medical help. Varicose veins can be treated in various ways, but your doctor will probably only recommend surgery if it is really necessary.