A POLICE siren wails. Quick as a flash Alan Carr quips, “I’m so in demand, even the police want me... or maybe they’ve seen my act and want to arrest me.”
The camp funnyman, currently amid his first major stand-up tour for three years, comes to the Playhouse on Friday and Saturday.
Called Yap, Yap, Yap! the show is a change of pace for Carr, these days more used to being behind TV cameras.
“I adore touring – it keeps me out of mischief! This is the biggest tour I’ve ever done,” grins the Chatty Man.
“I love live comedy. Sometimes the politics of doing the chat show and booking guests can be frustrating. And occasionally you’ll have a dud guest with nothing to say.
“But when it’s just you on stage with a mic in front of lots of people who have come specifically to see you, it’s fantastic.
“You’re the boss. I get such a buzz on stage. It’s a complete adrenalin rush. When you dream up new material and think, ‘Great, I can add that to the set’ it’s a wonderful feeling.
“If it works, a new joke always brings a smile to my face. It’s such a thrill.”
Carr has a impressively loyal fanbase, which is mobilised whenever he tours.
“Some venues have sold out within five minutes,” he reveals. “People have apparently been sleeping outside to get tickets – oh please, stop it! That’s sweet, but unnecessary.
“I always leave it three years between tours. I don’t know how Jimmy Carr does it, touring all the time. But I’m lucky enough to have the chat show to keep me busy in between. And it means that if I haven’t been touring for three years, it’s more of an event when I do.”
Yet Carr doesn’t take his fanbase for granted.
“They’re always lovely,” he enthuses. “A lot of them want to mother me. I’ve got one of those faces that makes women want to put me on their chest and stroke my hair. Blokes do the same – they always want to nestle me on their chests!”
They offer him an escape from Twitter, he admits.
“Twitter can be a nasty, spiteful place. It makes you think the public are awful. But Twitter isn’t real. It encourages a certain type of person.
“The real public are lovely. People are really warm – they feel they know me, and they’re always bringing me presents. They bring me lots of knickers and ropey drinks for the globe on my chat show.”
So what will Carr be discussing in Yap, Yap, Yap!?
“This show is very personal. It’s a gamble including so much personal stuff, but it pays dividends. The more personal stuff you put in, the more people go ‘Aaah!’
“I called it, Yap, Yap, Yap! because there’s a lot of waffle out there. With blogs and Twitter, everyone has an opinion nowadays. I can’t believe I’ll be waffling on stage for two hours – I’m adding to it. It’s my own fault.
“It’s had great feedback. I’ve been doing it on and off for the last six months and I think, ‘This is actually quite good’.”
Alan Carr: Yap, Yap, Yap!, Playhouse, Greenside Place, Friday and Saturday, 8pm, £33.90, 08448-713 014