Pub night to reveal cringe of teenage diaries

Gareth Mutch, Matthew Ellis and Chris Griffin. Picture: Neil Hanna
Gareth Mutch, Matthew Ellis and Chris Griffin. Picture: Neil Hanna
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READING toe-curling passages from a teenage diary aloud in a crowded pub may sound like the stuff of nightmares.

But ten brave volunteers will do just that later this month by delving into the angst-ridden depths of their teenage hearts to regale drinkers at The Tron pub with musings on love, friendship, school and family viewed through the prism of adolescence.

Comedian Matthew Ellis, 27, – whose teenage alter ego was rapper Ellis D aka “Poshboy” – discovered an old diary while helping his dad to clear out his house last month.

He said: “I wanted to be a gangster rapper from the ages of about 12 to 15 years old so there is a lot of rap in there.

“There are also lots of poems about when I had my heart broken for the first time at 17. I just had to share it.”

Along with fellow comic Chris Griffin, Matthew recruited volunteers on Facebook to read out their teen journals at the Scrapbooks and Rapbooks show later this month.

Matthew, who lives in Canonmills, said: “It’s an experimental night so we don’t quite know what we might get.”

Co-promoter Chris, 30, plans to delight the audience with morose poetry from his gothic past. Chris, who lives in Leith, described himself as a “prolific” teen poet but admitted his enthusiasm for the art form had declined when he became an adult.

He said: “There is so much material I am not sure what to choose.

“It’s pretty dark some of it. I used it as a coping mechanism for heartbreak.”

Teenage heartache will be a recurring theme, with volunteer Wray Thompson, from Aberdeen, penning this entry: “I don’t know why she just won’t go out with me, it’s not like I’m not as good as Mark. When me and him did sports day, I got silver and he didn’t.”

But it wasn’t just boys ­crying a river over their classmates as the entry from Elaine Miller, now 40, and written in the mid-1980s attests: “I wrote “GARY BRAID” on the outside of my German jotter in my best bubble writing, and I sat it on the side of my desk so he could see it.

“He’ll notice me now, for sure. I wrote it in English, not German.”

Caroline Laird, 29, from Dalkeith, scrawled this heartbreaking missive: “Asked my parents if I could go to a club tonight with my friends. They said no. I actually hate them, they don’t understand me at all… (I was 14).

“Today Simon Smith gave me a hug. A HUG! This is literally the happiest day of my entire life. I’ve heard he’s going out with Emily but who cares? He’s giving me HUGS!!!!”

The cringeworthy event, which was inspired by an American documentary called Mortified Nation, will take place on December 17 at 8pm at The Tron, in Hunter Square.

Tickets cost £3 and proceeds will go to the homelessness charity Streetwork.