A pirate walks into a bar and... talks like a pirate – Steve Cardownie

As International Talk Like a Pirate Day approaches, I hope this brightens up your day.

Wednesday, 1st September 2021, 4:55 am

A pirate walked into a bar and the barman said “Hi, I’ve not seen you for a while. You look terrible what happened?”

“What do mean?” said the pirate. “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

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“Well,” said the pirate, “we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball but I’m fine now.”

The barman replied: “All right, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

The pirate explained: “We were in another battle and I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off so I got fitted with this hook but I’m OK really.”

“What about that eye-patch?”

Pirates are known for telling tall tales (Picture: Michael Buckner/Getty Images)

“Aw,” said the pirate “one day we were at sea and a flock of seagulls flew overhead and as I looked up one pooped in my eye.”

“You’re having a laugh,” said the barman. “You can’t lose an eye just from some seagull poo.”

“Aye, normally you’d be right,” said the pirate, “but unfortunately it was on the first day I was fitted with the hook!”

On a more serious note, it was great to see that this year’s summer festivals were hugely successful, albeit drastically reduced in size.

Stakeholders are working collaboratively to ensure that future festivals meet the requirements of the city while maintaining our status as the hosts of the greatest programme of artistic events in the world.

The festivals are the lifeblood of the city, both culturally and economically – so getting it right is absolutely critical.

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