So now we know. It’s all suddenly much clearer.
For some time, it has been a bit of a mystery why a group of “gullible” people have turned into a bunch of “complete idiots” intent on making a right nuisance of themselves – so much so that they have become a “hazard to themselves” and others with their ridiculous antics.
Just what has got into them, many have been wondering.
But finally The Scotsman can reveal the truth. Yes, the House of Commons – much like large numbers of tourists visiting Edinburgh’s Old Town – has fallen victim to Silent Disco fever.
Clearly when MPs are pretending to be asleep, they are actually all listening to raucous disco music on discreet earbud headphones.
The driving beat then forces them to abandon all sense and reason and make speeches about how a no-deal Brexit will turn these islands into a Boogie Wonderland.
The Edinburgh Old Town Association has had enough. They are “incredibly noisy and disruptive”, it thunders. Okay. that’s about the silent disco street walking tours, but if you add in ineffective and incompetent, it’s not a bad description of our MPs current performance.