The Great Theresa May Brexit Lizard Conspiracy – Hayley Matthews

I’m having visions of Theresa May ripping off a mask to reveal she’s actually a lizard like in the 1980s TV programme V. It’s ridiculous but then so is Brexit, writes Hayley Matthews.

Friday, 5th April 2019, 7:00 am
Is Theresa May a lizard like Pamela and Diana (played by Sarah Douglas and Jane Balder) from V: The Final Battle?

I promised myself that I’d never write about the ‘B’ word, mainly because I’m as sick as the majority of you out there of hearing it several times a day and not actually knowing what it means for us.

I can’t make sense of it, I have no faith in the politicians who are attempting to deliver Brexit nor do I have any faith in Theresa May after several attempts at a securing a deal for the country to exit the EU ­without a sore bum.

I do have to say one thing about her though, she keeps on going doesn’t she? I’m not a fan of hers but I do have to give some credit where it’s due to a fellow female. She reminds me of a Duracell bunny that just keeps on going. However, I do think her batteries are about to run out, very soon.

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I also think we’re all running out of patience as a country regardless of your yea or nay to Brexit, and I can’t be the only one who just wants to know what the hell is going to happen, how it will impact us and how we can prepare.

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There’s not much I suppose any of us can do other than panic buy and that won’t help matters – mind you, a few extra tins in the cupboard never does anyone any harm.

I don’t often give my political views, not because I don’t want to, just because nobody ever seems that interested, However, recently I’ve been on BBC Scotland’s Seven Days show and one of our talking points over the past month has been the Brexit debacle and what we think or feel should happen.

As time goes on it looks more likely that no solution or compromise is at the end of the tunnel. It is, of course, in many of our interests that we leave with a deal that does what more than 17 million people voted for but I’m at a loss as to how that can be possible with the parliamentary deadlock that we’ve been seeing over the past few weeks.

Even the MPs themselves are saying they have no idea what is going on, so how can we be expected to keep the faith?

I don’t even know quite how I feel about Mrs May reaching out to Mr Corbyn about digging her out the hole, seeing as her party have refused all her efforts. It all feels quite surreal. When BBC presenters Fiona Stalker and Nick Sheridan asked me what I think may happen next, I told them that like the rest of us and those in parliament too, none of us could possibly predict as the entire thing is a rollercoaster with a mind of its own.

I also got a chuckle when I said I had visions of Theresa May ripping off a mask to reveal a lizard underneath similar to the 1980s TV programme V because, well, at this point isn’t ­anything possible? As ridiculous as my statement is, it’s a harsh fact of the reality that we all find the entire ­process just ludicrous.

So what next? Who would I like to see instead of big T at the forefront of the negotiations or lack of them? Well, I reckon my seven-year-old could do a better job at negotiating as his skills are second to none. When I say ten more minutes until bed and he seems to negotiate to 20, with a snack and some treat TV, it doesn’t leave a ­genius to realise he could do a better job than the PM.