James Bond is back just in time to take on Covid with Q's special weapons (face masks, hand-sanitiser and vaccines) – Susan Morrison

Bond is back. Well, there’s a relief. Creating global mayhem is right up Blofeld’s street, so it's nice to know the good guy has finally snapped to and readied for action. Wonder what gadgets Q could come up with to battle Covid?

Friday, 24th September 2021, 12:30 pm

Mr Craig is giving his final performance as 007. Bond has evolved. He is now a sensitive, thoughtful Bond.

The 1960s’ Bond was about as sensitive as a Glasgow nightclub bouncer, albeit better dressed.

Those early Bonds took place in an alternate Great Britain, where we were professionals in the spying game. Why, Oxbridge-educated upper-class fellows had been playing the Great Game against Russia since the days of Empire. The Americans? Rank amateurs.

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Turned out, those posh public school boys were indeed excellent spies. For the Soviet Union. Looking at you Philby, Maclean, Burgess and Blunt. Pity no-one else was.

Connery’s Bond could have taken all four in one dirty fight although, in the words of Dr No, he really was just a boring policeman. The baddies were the ones with the good lines, the fabulous underwater lairs and the huge workforces in matching workwear.

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Cold War spy maps that portrayed a Soviet Scotland

Pricey business being a Bond villain. Blofeld built a missile base in an extinct volcano on a Japanese island with ridiculously lax planning officers. Seriously, no chance with our very own ex-volcano. You need a government inquiry to change the windows in some parts of the New Town.

Dr No must have had good lawyers on his team. He was forever feeding his middle managers to the sharks for under-performing. They didn’t even get a written warning. Somebody would sue today.

The 60s’ Bond and his villains wouldn’t cope in today’s world. Did Goldfinger do a health and safety assessment before coating Shirley Eaton in gold paint? No, obviously not.

Our sensitive, thoughtful Bond presumably is fully conversant with all the paperwork needed to fire a Walther PPK in an enclosed space.

Oh, hang on, yes I do know what gadgets Q would cook up to take down the supervillain that is Covid. A face mask, hand sanitiser and a vaccine. Clever, eh?

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