John Gibson: Exterminate looks like the answer

A meeting of the Transport and Environment Committee in the Chambers on Tuesday saw two Tory councillors state their case and of this they were certain:

1, A de-nesting operation is required to rid Merchiston of its pigeon and gull menace and

2, The cast-iron monumental pigeons, removed for the trams, should be restored at Elm Row.

Motions. If we’re not getting them from the pigeons themselves you can rely on them from the Tories.

Messy.

Palestine pals

An offer I managed to refuse. But politely.

I was in the New Club for a natter with secretary Colonel Andrew Campbell when club member Max MacLeod told me he could arrange for me to meet, there and then, a Palestine government official.

How often does the Palestine government meet and where, one wonders? Anyway, thank you no. Not even when the carrot was dangled.

His daughter is to marry a script writer for Chewin’ the Fat.

Cut it out

Fork handles. Diners who use big forks eat less than those who use smaller ones, researchers at the University of Utah have discovered.

Mind you, the two-day experiment was conducted in an Italian restaurant and the forks possibly became entangled in the spaghetti.

The researchers’ time would have been better spent testing the savvy of dinners who don’t hold their knives correctly. They should use their fingers.

Afterwords . .

. . . Rory Bremner saying: “I’ve just spent the summer in Scotland, so I’m extremely white. The spray tan is a like a car wash.

“You can choose between pink trout or dead salmon. If you want to go to extremes, you magically turn into Dale Winton.”