John Gibson: Shovel it all up, I’ll sit and watch

Do you dig it? We’re told (make that commanded) by the city council to clear the snow ourselves this winter, so they’re going to distribute shovels to residents.

Now I call a spade a spade and there’s no denying I’ve been shovelling stuff into this column for yonks. But shovelling the white stuff ... well, best I leave that to the able-bodied.

I reckon I’ve done my share. I kept Leith Walk free for traffic when we had nightmariish snowfalls. A legacy is that friends say my handwriting resembles a dog’s pee in the snow. An apt description, I have to say.

Now get out there and dig it, you hard men, while a digger in his dotage sits back and looks on.

Gone missing

Should he be behind bars? Police (in Glasgow, where else?) have been appealing for information on the whereabouts of a man who went missing last Friday night dressed as a gorilla. Last I heard they’d gone ape searching for him.

He has a tattoo on his left forearm that says “Craig”. Last seen on all fours in Eglinton Street. I’ve been asked if I can provide any info at all in this case but I’m cagey about that.

Afterwords . .

. . . Can’t they leave Woody Allen alone? He’s an old man, for gawd’s sake! I love Woody and his sports jackets and it grieves me somewhat to learn he’s being sued by William Faulkner’s estate for infringing the legendary writer’s copyright. Woody, I’m with you.