John Gibson: This will make you grit them

Enough to give you gum rot. Patients in Edinburgh twice as much as their cousins in Glasgow for dental work - 74 quid for a consultation here against £27 for Weegies.

You want a bridge? Dig deep for £443 in Edinburgh, in Glasgow £293. Yes, a bridge too far. Falsers £473 in Edinburgh compared to £260 through there. Now you know why they boast that Glasgow is smiles better.

I’m giving you a mouthful courtesy of WhatClinic.com’s survey. Facts and figures I prefer not to chew over. I bubblewrap my top and bottom sets, mark them fragile and stick them in the post.

Bag a new job

I’m not a doctor but are those bags I see under Home Secretary Theresa May’s eyes? Last time I saw bags that big was under Duke Ellington’s. But the Duke charmed us with his music. Theresa, charmless in the extreme, is carrying bags comparatively funereal.

Is it worth it, Mrs May, even with your salary? Get a relatively stress-free job. Stacking shelves at Tesco?

Smell of fear

A lady friend assures me that women can sniff out a wimp because they can smell fear on a man’s skin. The smell of perspiration released by men when they feel afraid, it’s claimed, triggers the same emotion in women. I always though it was my Old Spice that put them off.

This after a study at Utrecht University led by Doctor Gun Semin. A working colleague of Doctor Strabooz of Utrecht, I wonder.