Spare a thought for the Edinburgh ghosts this lockdown Hallowe'en - Susan Morrison

A few years ago, in an old hotel, I was awakened from a deep sleep by what I think was a ghost. My reaction surprised me. Instead of shrieking like a banshee, I grumpily told it to go haunt some place else, rolled over and went back to my dream of George Clooney.
It is set to be a very different Hallowe'en this yearIt is set to be a very different Hallowe'en this year
It is set to be a very different Hallowe'en this year

I’ve sometimes wondered about that ghost. Did it slink back to the ghost tea room and tell its spooky pals what had happened? Did it express alarm about losing it’s touch? Did it’s ghosty pals waft around reassuring their spectral comrade that it was still a top apparition, well known for sending unwary humans barrelling along hotel corridors screaming their heads off, unlike that lazy bisom in Room 314 who just didn’t appreciate a good haunting?

What will be happening to all the other ghosts this Hallowe’en? Scotland is positively 17th century now after sunset. The pubs are shuttered, the shops are shut and the lights of the few restaurants are far and few between. The pavements are deserted.

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With a nation locked in and no guisers at the door, the opportunity to drift out of a kirkyard gate and freak out passing party goers is off this year. Perhaps the only people happy with a Hallowe’en lockdown are dentists, hoping that this year at least our children’s teeth are spared the annual onslaught of sticky sweeties leaving a good coating of sugary gunk around the molars.

Perhaps the Other World is enjoying the cemetery silence of dark Scotland. Not just our ghosts, of course. Spirits, faeries, elves and witches, you name it, we’ve got it, and perhaps they’re having a ball this Hallowe’en whilst we’re locked in.

Tam o’ Shanter stumbled on a witches coven in full hullabaloo one dark night on his way back from the pub, remember. Who is to say that a lone unwary wanderer this Hallowe’en might not spy a ghostly cheese and wine in Greyfriars kirkyard, or spot a little poltergeist house party kicking off around Holyrood Palace?

At least the police wouldn’t have to waste time breaking up a demonic boogie night, even if it was in student halls.

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We live in a ghostly city, in more ways than one. So, here’s a little witchy tale from our past we uncovered whilst recording BBC Scotland’s ‘Witch Hunt’ podcast, available right now on BBC Sounds. Yes, that’s a punt.

Around 1570, Jonet Boyman was tried as a witch in Edinburgh. She lived in the Cowgate and had a reputation as a healer. Her neighbours claimed that she had cured a local man with a spell that involved a lot of washing of his shirt. Very clean. Very Covid.

Jonet got a bit cocky after that, and started wandering about annoying folk like a vegan at a barbeque. The authorities were summoned and looked into the case.

Jonet claimed her healing powers were given to her by a strange man she met by an ‘eldrich (elvish) well at St Leonards’.

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This man, she said, was good looking, but when he turned to go back, she saw he was ‘wasted like a stick when seen from behind’.

So, if a handsome man approaches you around Newington handing out health advice this Hallowe’en, just make sure you see his back. And wear a mask.