Why Queen could have given this year’s speech a miss – Susan Morrison

If Queen Elizabeth had got smashed on sherry before her Christmas speech, no one would have blamed her, writes Susan Morrison

The Queen speaks to the nation. Picture: AFP

Missed the Queen’s Speech again this year. She’s game, that girl. Not a fan of the royals, me, but I respect the Queen immensely. She’s not had a good year, but she still turned up for her telly shift.

If she had decided to tell the nation to naff off and make up their own speech, or just go watch reruns of one of the other 66 on file, I’m sure we’d all have understood.

Had she lurched on to the screen, smashed on sherry, paper hat askew, muttering darkly into her glass about that Andrew one, I think we would all have nodded our heads in agreement.

If ever a naughty boy should be sent to his room, it’s that one.

I can understand why this particular granny would decide to cut at least one child loose and look to the next generation for some sense and intelligence.

Andrew must be sweating blood. Oh, forgot, he can’t sweat. Back in the days of Henry VIII, embarrassing the Monarch meant a date with the axeman. We don’t do that these days.

Glamis Castle has a legend that one of the rooms is forever locked up.

In this gloomy chamber, it is said, a mad son of the family was hidden away, far from prying eyes and journalists seeking interviews.

There must be times when Her Majesty wonders if anyone has a key to that room.