Fiona Duff: I’ve got mail.. it’s just that I never open it

Fiona's mail has a tendency to pile up. Picture: Getty
Fiona's mail has a tendency to pile up. Picture: Getty
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I HAVE a very bad habit of not opening my mail unless it is a handwritten envelope.

Things pile up, especially bank statements (I can check online so no need to as far as I am concerned) and then I’ll sit down and have a full-on post purge.

The majority of stuff that is sent to me ends up in the recycling pile and the masses of brochures I am sent each week go to the very same place.

As soon as you buy something online it appears that the company feel obliged to add your name and address to their mailing list.

If it is a regular email (yes, that’s you Johnnie Boden) then it’s easy just to click the “unsubscribe” button and they then leave you alone. However, the amount of paper that must be wasted sending out brochures must account for several acres of forest every day.

To be honest there is probably a phone number buried deep in every catalogue which one could call and have your name removed from their list. However, as I can’t be bothered going through each page – let’s face it there is a chance that I may spot something, buy it and then have to send it back when it doesn’t fit – I am really not sure.

Of course, this inability to open each letter does sometimes cause problems. A couple of years ago my husband received a text on a Friday night to ask if our daughter was still OK to play in a curling match the next day.

We knew nothing about this, but after rummaging through the pile on the hall table there was a letter from Murrayfield Curling Club in which there was a schedule of matches to be played that autumn. Ooooops.

A friend with a similar mindset finally opened a letter from a company in which she owned shares to discover a dividend cheque that was actually out of date. The palaver she went through to have it reissued was a right pain in the bahookie.

What we both realise that we need is a PA – anyone interested in lending us some of their time?