Fiona Duff: You can’t find anything on telly these days

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BBC TV test card
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My life is so mundane right now that I got quite excited about the thought of moving my sitting room furniture around.

When I told Him Outdoors about my plan, rather unexpectedly he said he thought it was a darn good idea. I don’t know if drink had been taken when he uttered this, but he was certainly not in his usual frame of mind, which does not like the idea of any sort of change (apart from the kind you put in your pocket).

So the TV would be moved to the other side of the room, quite far away from the aerial socket.

Now, technology and me go together like oil and water. Our home is known as the Digital Bermuda Triangle – anything that can go wrong with computers, wifi and whatnots definitely will.

However, I know that there are a heck of a lot of people out there who have an answer or gadget for anything. There must, I reasoned, be a way of having terrestrial channels on TV without having the googlebox actually attached to the aerial – isn’t everything wireless these days?

But I was wrong. There is no clever clogs who has devised a way of doing this. So I bought an internal aerial, having been assured that they had come on in leaps and bounds since my student days (not sure if the salesman was wondering if they even had colour TV at that time).

Of course, there was a problem – the sitting room is in a basement so the television said ‘No Signal’.

I phoned up my supplier, Talk Talk, who said that they didn’t have the means to help me. I looked up some whizzy new thing on BT internet but it isn’t in my area yet. I thought about contacting Sky, but that’s a rocky road to go down as husband would add the sports channels and I wouldn’t get anywhere near the remote control.

So it looks as though I shall be sitting on the sofa staring at the wallpaper. I suppose it will be more interesting than watching paint dry.