John Gibson: Ask Alfie what this is all about

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Pity the poor souls living in and around West Maitland Street (yes, fighting your corner again!).

They’ve been plagued with yet another proclamation from Edinburgh Trams, this one headed “West Maitland Street Tram Works” and signed by an Alf Orriell. Wonder is he is a locally-bred native?

Anyway, they’ve invented a title for him: “Logistics and Relationship Manager”. They all crave a title, you’ve noticed. I’ve neither the patience nor, indeed, the intellect to cope with his wordy letter. I suspect the recipients are just as flummoxed.

A university education possibly would help them interpret Alf’s pretentious piffle, which comes with a road map on the reverse. Alf Garnett will have a word for it. Four letters, ends with T.

They know not what they do, it seems, nor how much it will cost. Ultimately.

Talking tramatically. We, the taxpayers, do know for sure that it’s going to cost an absolute fortune.

Talking specifically about the stretch from the West End to Haymarket. That alone is galloping away with the money. They appear to have flattened it out and they’ve erected crosses. For the faceless, soulless perpetrators of this mire?

Just wait to you see the bill for this stretch of the tracks alone. Bet your shirt the “brains” behind it won’t be waiting. They’ll have “resigned”, scarpered, dodged the flak, slipped out the back door, before they own up and show themselves.

Come out and let’s have a right good gander at you now. While the going’s bad. Meantime, Edinburgh in traffic terms is going nowhere fast. What a bloody shambles.