John Gibson: Duke of York is a grand old plonker

Have your say

Every family has one. Even the Royal family. Talking about plonkers and the Royals, it used to be the Duke of Kent, the prize plonker of the Blue Bloods. Now it’s the Duke of York. Plonker and chancer extra ordinary.

It was easy to pick him out in the crowd during the Chinese palaver. Rigged out in his military finery. Where did he get the medals, and for doing what? Leaping headlong into the Chinese stramash the Duke ensured we’d pick him out in the crowd.

At the same event, in for a penny, in for a pound, Nicholas Witchell for the commentary that was hardly necessary but, trust Nick, he’s still working at it, waiting for some sort of honour still to be created by the Royals.

There are specific members of the family who can’t abide him. If you are looking for a fuller explanation, I’ll leave it to Prince Philip. If I’m not mistaken, Philip is far from enamoured with bools-in-the-mooth Witchell. The Wicked Witch!

Time for repair

Like I was saying about the demise of Big Ben last week, the timepiece is so dilapidated that the panicmongers are saying that its nine-feet hands could well fall off. Panic the thought.

Hitler couldn’t do it and, by God, the clock gets its name from the colossal bell in the Elizabeth Tower, named in honour of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012. We’ve all got a place in our heart for the old basket.

Doubtless they won’t let Ben fall into such a dastardly state of disrepair. The nation wouldn’t stand for it. It will cost £5 million to prevent such a terrible turn of events.