John Gibson: Justin’s just nuts about monkeys

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Pop idol Justin Bieber seems to be unconcerned. But the British Veterinary Association are genuinely concerned that a relaxation of the licensing rules for owning primates and the publicity clouding Bieber’s pet capuchin has got more people buying them.

His pet, Mally, was confiscated by customs at Munich Airport last year and was last heard of in a zoo in Germany.

Mally was classified under the Dangerous Wild Animals Act 1976.

Justin was last heard of being a bad boy, but I won’t go into detail here, rather I devote the space to the president of the BVA, Robin Hargreaves: “Primates are intelligent, socially complex animals and we can think of no circumstances where they would benefit from being kept as a pet.’’

There are up to 7000 pet primates in the UK.

Seven thousand and one if we count Bieber’s and, no, we won’t ever see him and Mally on stage in Edinburgh as a double act.

Band go west

All medals and magnificently uniformed, the Royal Artillery Band are playing goodbye to their barracks in London after a 250-year association.

They are relocating permanently to wet Wiltshire by order of the Ministry of Defence, when they’d be more gainfully employed, credit to their country, filling sandbags.

Splashing around the Somerset Levels would soon take that dazzling shine off their boots.

And the sand would be hazardous with their instruments.