John Gibson: Never mind, Gordon, things will pick up

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Gordon, you’re yesterday’s potatoes. Nobody seems to want to know you, if we are to judge by a press conference at the UN in New York the other day.

Yes, Gordon Brown does appear to be living in his inglorious past. Only one journalist turned up and it was cancelled.

Gordon’s living in hope. They expected his audience to double at least at the Labour conference where mouthy Miliband’s blustering hogged the show.

Can Levein last?

It’s what’s known in society as “losing face” and crotchety Craig Levein has lost his, grovelling to Steven Fletcher.

Fletcher has been restored to the Scotland team by Levein after a protracted absence, prolonged by Levein, and this is Levein in desperation hoping to save face.

His days as Scotland’s mastermind, ignominious in the extreme, are surely numbered. As I write, there’s a job going at Brechin City. I’d get my application in now, Craig, but do shave off that fuzz for the interview. Pretentious. It did nothing for you.

Presumably you’ve hung on to the baseball cap and the shades. You wouldn’t need them at Brechin.

Honest lass

The polis can’t touch you for it, having a right good ogle at Victoria Pendleton. Even at my age. The way that, once upon a time, I ogled Esther Williams, below, a champion swimmer and Hollywood icon.

Anyhow, Victoria on the eve of her Strictly Come Dancing debut, blew the bubbles out of my ears with: “I’ve always been somebody who has been very honest about how I feel. People in sport are very guarded because emotional expression is seen as a weakness.

“I am not brave but there’s nothing wrong with being honest. If you’ve got the right drive inside you, you can achieve anything.”

Go for it, Victoria, you’ve been speaking to an achiever and believer.