John Gibson: New career will leave you reeling

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Nothing’s forever. I’ve been away for some time and since we were last in touch I’ve changed me profession. I’ve become a movie director.

For my debut film, titled Chancer, I’ve cast Sepp Blatter in the lead. Played by lookalike Danny De Vito.

Tickets for the Hampden premiere are running away with my time. Yes, you’ll have to hang on. I’m busy enough trying to scrounge briefs for Cliff’s 75th birthday tour in September and by then I hope to have a couple for George Benson at the Usher Hall.

Did I ever tell you about the time a missile dropped from the Usher Gods next to where I was sitting? You wouldn’t want to be more bored with me having dinner with Jack Jones at Gordon Scott’s Trattoria in the Royal Mile.

Thanks, John, you’ve dropped more names without mentioning Hibernian Football Club.

Ink stain pains

All the nice girls, the shanty goes, love a sailor, the more so if he has the trademark tattoo.

So good luck if Jolly Jack has got one. I hope you get my point and, I insist, the only authentic place for a tattoo is on the Castle Esplanade. I disagree totally with those who have indulged in this form of body art.

Hopefully they’ll take a lingering look at themselves and have these decorations removed by the NHS, though not at our expense.

Having a tattoo removed costs a bomb for those who regret having got one. The cost in Glasgow alone has seen the NHS stung for £600,000 these past five years, cost £300 per tattoo.

No wonder I get the needle about the entire damn caboodle.