John Gibson: See what’s happened to the brew

Ian Hislop. Picture: Getty
Ian Hislop. Picture: Getty
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I DO not believe it (1). Is this what we fought for? Is this what Vera Lynn sang to the troops for? Tea. The traditional cuppa. I kept Hitler off our beaches.

Now it’s being sabotaged. Traditionalist Brit tea drinkers fell to 83 per cent in 2012 compared with 87 per cent the year before. Sales of green tea are up 19 per cent and herbal teas are up 15 per cent.

Propagandists claim a cup of green tea a day, they say, protects the brain against Alzheimers and dementia generally.

I do not believe it (2). Millionaire Ian Hislop, he of the crinkly cherubic smile, reportedly trousers £40,000 from the BBC per episode of Have I Got News For You.

Train in vain

Leaves on the line? We’ll be reading all about this perennial hazard any day now and why your train is late. It’s seasonal after all. Which brings me to the Waverley, watching the station being dragged reluctantly into the 21st century.

They’re building escalators down on to platform 11. Presumably a complicated hi-tech operation, it’s been going on for weeks. ScotRail seems to have its knickers knotted because the Waverley Steps escalators, leading up to Princes Street, are always partly wonky. Welcome to Edinburgh, the tramway city.

While the Waverley waffles on, the station’s public address system remains indecipherable. Tell me, what is that woman chuntering on about? The train now leaving for Motherwell . . . or did she say Manchuria?