John Gibson: That could well be Andy up there

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Every time I see a chopper hover over Edinburgh I think Prince Andrew must be en route to another golfing jolly. Not at Kingsknowe or Barnton. More probably St Andrews or Muirfield.

One of our wayward princes, Andy Pandy, who revels in his nickname, Air Miles Andy, for his penchant for luxurious air travel, six-course dinners and ten-star hotels.

Hanging on in there despite being axed two years ago as our trade ambassador. Queenie was 87 on Sunday when, for a party piece, the post-shindig quiz left one question unanswered: who’s the bigger chancer among the royals? Prince Andrew or the Duke of Kent?

Pigeons fire back

“Disgruntled” of Newington writes, claiming the 21-gun salute to mark the Queen’s 87th birthday is an appalling waste of ammunition. I’m with him.

The Castle’s artillery people fire blanks, of course, I wouldn’t deem it a total waste, though. The bangs cause a right flutter among the pigeons, causing them to empty their bowels and fertilise Princes Street Gardens. Unless their poo lands on you.

Fatso no more

Hopefully you’ve no stomach for this. There are a billion overweight adults on the planet. Plus 475 million who are obese. I’m getting the figures, on unsightly figures, from the stout people of the International Association for the Study of Obesity.

In my early adolescence they’d call me “fatso”. I’m more Hugh Grant now.


... Festering heights. They’ve crowned Kate Bush with a CBE for her “contribution to music”. You’ve got to laugh.