John Gibson: They’ll do you for a jam jar!

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When I was a Leith keelie (if you’re yawning already, do remember to put your hand over your mouth), nae seat in ma troosers, the 3rd Constitution Street Boy Scouts brought out the good lads in us, going round the stately houses bordering Leith Links with a barrow collecting jam jars for Scout funds.

We would have used the jars for the minnows we’d caught in the burns and canals, or to trap butterflies. Some jars had been used for jam, even.

Now these despicable spoilsports at the EU have decreed jam jars must not be recycled. Home-made chutney in second-hand jars? Forget it. It’s now a criminal offence. You could be jailed or fined £5,000.

The EU’s jackbooted law enforcers should be made to swim with the fishes. In those jam jars.

Knife ‘n’ easy

Jolly good idea, the ‘‘Etiquette Dinner’’ held at the Royal Scots Club in Edinburgh’s Abercromby Place on Friday taught members the proper way to slurp their soup.

John Lloyd, I’m told, lectures about international etiquette. John hopefully found time to teach then how to use a knife and fork. Most people I know, don’t. Must be the company I keep.

Fork handles. I feel a sketch coming on If only Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Barker could grace this dinner.

Holmes delivery

Nobody tells me nuthin’. Somebody sent a couple of tickets for the first anniversary concert at the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Centre in Palmerston Place on Tuesday night. Delivered the night before. Elementary, you’d have thought, to provide some notice. The sender? I haven’t a clue.