John Gibson: We've got no case for the defence

HELLO sailors and goodbye! In the navy you could sail the seven seas. Not now. Our navy comprised six state-of-the-art destroyers and we are having to cut them open because their engines don't work.Unbelievable but true.

You can cut them open with scissors from the table drawer, if you know what I mean. As if that isn’t enough, we have an aircraft carrier on the stocks that, again, hard to believe, is not fit for purpose.

From what we are told – and this comes courtesy of the Ministry of Defence – we don’t have the planes that can land on the carriers decks. I’m unable to give you the reasons, I’m foaming at the mouth in anger.

Still barely credible, they are running commercials for recruiting to the Royal Navy, also to the Royal Air Force.

Can you believe it? No, you can’t but I wouldn’t tell you a lie.

Just don’t dash to slip in to a uniform, whether in navy blue or air force blue. We have to wonder if we have any of our armed forces looking after us at all.

Take a hike

Academics claim that Monday has been the gloomiest day of the year.

I’m talking about January 16, so take a deep breath – it’s behind you. All to do with the weather, of course, and Christmas already a thing of the past, resolutions already broken.

My advice is get out into the fresh air and go for a long walk – and remember to take the dog with you if you’ve got one. Dogs, too, get depressed. We should sympathise with the beasts.