Sandra Dick: I swear to be better in the new year

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Cheerio then 2014, you weren’t fantastic but I’ve had worse. And hiya 2015, please keep the noise to a minimum and make sure you’re stocked up with painkillers and Irn-Bru.

I’m currently trying to avoid being reminded of what happened in 2014 and instead contemplating what’s to come. That means trotting through the annual list of things I’d like to change in 2015 but probably won’t, as by mid-January I’ll be too busy howling at the horrors of my credit card bill to care that I’m meant to be drinking more green tea and, er, spending less on my credit card.

However, purely in the interests of tradition, I have conjured up my resolution list.

First I promise that any office Christmas party I attend next year will not end at 4am with an unseemly blackout on the kitchen floor, snorting gravy from the cat’s bowl of Whiskas and painful broken ribs which rather spoiled Christmas Day charades as screaming “oh ya f*!@er” while attempting to mime Kate Winslet’s Titanic pose was not my finest moment as a mother.

I also promise to step away from getting involved in my kids’ battles. No doubt the urge to smack a certain little git very hard in the face over and over again will remain, but I’ll restrict myself to sneering at his mother’s Facebook page and hoping he breaks out in plooks (I retain the right to slash the tyres on his stupid BMX should the opportunity arise).

I will travel more by tram. Not difficult as 2014 involved fewer than a dozen journeys – there’s only so many times I need to go in a straight line from Ingliston to York Place. I promise not to sigh loudly at tourists with their bags on the seats. And I will try to just smile sweetly at anyone who comments on how much it cost because, funnily enough, we know and do not need reminded every single second of every journey.

I also refuse to be sucked into the latest fad diet that promises me a size 10 figure. Last time I achieved that it involved 11 months of eating nothing but lettuce and my fingernails. Nor would my family appreciate a return to my boiled egg only diet, although to be fair the air freshener industry did enjoy boom times as a result.

I’m sure there’s more – like avoiding meltdown every day at 8.30am when we should be in the car but are still searching the laundry basket for gym kit, or spending less time on social media and more talking to my family – but let’s keep the resolutions to things that are actually achievable.

Whatever your own 2015 challenges, there are 365 days ahead in which to achieve them.

Enjoy every one of them.