Susan Morrison: Cheap wedding was built to last

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Twenty-six years, that’s how long me and the grumpy Yorkshireman have been together. Actually, it’s even longer, since we lived in together in sin, well, Leith, for about five years before that, so it’s more like 30, but last week was our 26th anniversary.

We got married in Leith Registry office. It was possibly the least showy wedding ever. Not for me the frothy frilly meringue of the traditional frock, with a price tag that would make a Rothschild choke. Nope. The bride and best bridesmaid wore hired frocks from a frock hire shop, and very happy we were too.

This was one bride who wasn’t too keen on the various shades of white that women tend to go for on the big day. No ivory, beige or magnolia for me, and certainly not antique cream, whatever that is. Surely if cream is antique it’s off?

That’s a washed out rainbow of non-colour guaranteed to make a pallid skinned Scot look like a featured extra on The Walking Dead.

Remember, fake tans were in the future then, young sisters. People were still seriously suggesting using Bisto on the legs a la wartime brides. That’s a bad idea, because it encourages wasps and the last thing you need at a wedding is a runaway bride hoofing it up the aisle because she’s been stung somewhere about the garter zone.

As a result of my ban on beige, the wedding party of that day is still arguing about whether the dress was fushia or cerise. It was purplish, that’s all you need to know.

We didn’t have bridal cars, we walked to from the registry office and we had a pub lunch.

We didn’t even have an official photographer. Everyone sent snapshots, and my cousin videoed it, until he fell over backwards at the reception and, anyway, I accidentally wiped it years later when I taped a documentary about the Titanic over it.

The best maid created a beautiful wedding cake. It helped that she was a gal who knew her way about an industrial kitchen.

Then we had a big party, and that was that.

We did get more towels than one couple really needs, to be honest.

I don’t even know where the time’s gone. I just know it’s been fun.