Talk of the Town: From crude to crud down Porty way

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IT could have been the find of the century.

Porty locals were astounded when what looked like black gold turned up on the sands.

The mysterious, dark substance appeared towards the east end of Portobello beach and it seemed briefly that the seaside town’s fortunes would be transformed. Then the doubts surfaced.

“Initially we suspected somebody had dumped oil,” observed one local, “but this mess seems to have come from under the concrete slipway.”

Rather than minted prospectors, it looks like a visit from the city council’s sewage team was required.

All those great plans, flushed away in an instant.

‘Our season has tanked’ takes whole new meaning

PANDA-MONIUM shows no sign of abating months after Tian Tian and Yang Guang arrived at Edinburgh Zoo.

Now it’s sea-born creatures getting into the act with a tropical display at a city aquatics attraction hoping to bask in the reflected glow of our friends from China.

The new exhibit at Deep Sea World boasts black-and-white fish under the chuckle-inducing banner “A Fish called Panda”.

It is understood players from Hibs’ relegation rivals Dunfermline Athletic – who wear black and white stripes – could be asked to officially open the display.

Hibs fans will be hoping Dunfermline are soon used to the sinking feeling that comes with the sea.

Think thirst, Rebus fans

THE dangers of only having half the story . . . and being limited to 140 characters.

Regular Tweeter Ian Rankin yesterday posted what appeared to be an update from his favourite hostelry, the Oxford Bar, telling followers that he was escaping the weather in a “cool, shady pub”.

Rebus fans who pounced, hoping to share a pint with the man himself, would have been sadly disappointed.

Rankin was tweeting from the city of Oxford.

Meet the patter familias

IT’S a frightening enough experience for guys meeting their girlfriend’s dad for the first time.

So there can’t be many willing to go through that on television.

But that’s what will happen on E4’s latest reality show. The channel has put out a casting call for single girls . . . and their dads.

They’ll get to run the rule over prospective boyfriends, with single guys also invited.

Email if you’re brave enough.