Talk of the Town: Hotel package to make you squirm

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ITS tales of bondage and sadomasochism have conquered both the bestseller charts and the imaginations of housewives everywhere.

Now guests at the George Street Hotel can order a special 50 Shades of Grey package during their two-day break, complete with exotic foods and sensual experiences.

“Paddles, whips and chains are welcome but not included . . .” warns the teaser.

TOTT isn’t sure which would hurt more: the aforementioned apparatus or the £559 price tag.

A tangled web

THE latest news from the world of spiders is the last thing arachnophobes would want to hear.

Experts have warned that, rather than chucking out or squashing the giant house spiders we see running up walls and across floors, we should be welcoming them into our homes.

“They are unable to survive outside at anytime of the year but especially at this time of year they will not survive the night outside,” said Lothians spider expert Chris Cathrine. “So I am calling for people to leave them alone. They are good for your house as they eat the bugs in it and are harmless.”

Probably not much comfort for those among us who would rather spend the night outside than share the bedroom with an eight-legged friend.

Train journey’s a stitch-up

THERE are plenty of ways of passing the time on the train from London to Edinburgh – magazines, music, conversations with strangers sitting opposite.

Those of us who are big fans of wool and even bigger fans of knitting will be delighted to hear of another option as 23 members of the Campaign for Wool take part in “The Clickety Click on the Clickety Clack” – a mission to create a “super-size” Union flag in the time it takes their train to get from London to Edinburgh and back.

It’s often said the fabric of the UK is falling apart – TOTT reckons these super-knitters would heartily disagree.

Bonkers over conkers

BATTLING horse chestnut swingers have been left been left devasted after the sixth Scottish Conker Championships were cancelled this week – because to a lack of conkers.

Run by the Boders Forest Trust, spokeswoman Louisa Finch said: “Many horse chestnut trees are bare this year or only have very small conkers which wouldn’t have fared well in competition. We’d like to apologise for any disappointment.”